Lesley Inglis Psychotherapist, Supervisor, Sex & Porn addiction, Relationships, Counselling Couples, Mental health, Kelso Scottish Borders, Edinburgh, Glasgow, London, Newcastle, Belfast. Supervising MA students London.
Castaway Therapy warmly welcomes you to my website, I am based in Kelso, Scottish Borders region. All sessions are held online (via 'Teams' or 'Meet) I work with many people from Glasgow, London, Edinburgh, Belfast, Newcastle and the Scottish Borders, and from all of the UK, as well as further afield.
“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” – Carl Bard
I am Lesley Inglis, (Counsellor Kelso, stop sex & porn addiction), Senior accredited Psychosexual Therapist & Supervisor, qualified in online work, as well as face to face work, this means I have been trained to give therapy online & to overcome any hurdles that may arise, or that clients may be worried about in the online setting. Because of the current demand for porn addiction work, it would be easy to assume this was all of the work I did. That is far from reality and I invite you to consider what I can offer you. If you are struggling with issues, or if you are stuck and would like to find a happier place to be within yourself, read on, but before you do, here is a link to what a good Psychotherapist should offer Choosing a good Psychotherapist.
I have been providing Counselling for 21 years and Psychosexual Therapy for 16 years, with 1 year working 'exclusively' online. I work UK wide e.g. in Kelso Scottish Borders, Edinburgh, Glasgow , London and Belfast and world wide. I specialise in treating various difficulties that I address on these pages and work within a sunny atmosphere of respect, acceptance and confidentiality . I provide online relationship Counselling Scottish Borders & elsewhere and offer online sex therapy for sexual problems as well as addiction problems. I never forget how painful emotional distress can often lead to feeling vulnerable * and afraid. I have learned and understand that nobody wants to think of themselves as vulnerable or feel emotionally vulnerable. Here is a link to The power of vulnerability by Brene Brown - an outstanding Ted talks.
Let me help you to find the strength and courage to move forward from a state of angst and closer to a calmer, more positive way of being. If you have sexual problems, sex/porn addiction, relationship difficulties, I will not judge you, my job is to understand you as best as I can, in order to find the best way to help you. Sexual acts are part of all human behaviour and I am always comfortable with the material that clients bring to their sessions. If you have mild to moderate Mental Health conditions, I have had 11 plus years of treating these mental health conditions, using a 6 session, brief therapy model, where recommended 'homework tasks' are set between sessions. A session of Cognitive behavioural therapy
Sex, porn, camming, hook up sites, escorts - compulsion or addiction
Working (as a Counsellor in Kelso to stop sex & porn addiction and to provide online relationship therapy online & in the Borders), I will carry out an in depth extensive assessment with you, of your (unwanted) behaviour. I will share with you what components of your life experiences may have contributed to you having a sex or porn addiction. Where there is understanding, there can be healing. We will agree on a date when you will stop the acting out behaviors that are causing distress. We will work together to establish abstinence and to promote self-knowledge and calmness. We will work with Compassion to help tackle self-criticism and shame as these only cause worse mental health and can send a client back into the acting out behaviour again. Abstinence is not a long term goal of sex therapy, rather we seek to identify and define what an individuals healthy sex life looks like for you. a non toxic sex life
My approach; I specifically bring Compassion to the therapeutic work.
We all think we 'know' what compassion is, but in a therapeutic sense it is a specific therapeutic approach that promotes self understanding & healing from self-criticism & shame. This is helpful for everybody no matter their difficulty and particularly for people with sex, porn, love addiction and/or any illegal sexual behaviours. I will teach you how to start using compassion, how to practice until it becomes an automatically kind way, of thinking and treating yourself.
Everybody is welcome and I encourage women with e.g. Sexual or Love addiction to come forward. I will put you at ease and help you feel less shame. Sex problems such as painful sexual intercourse, erectile dysfunction and lack of orgasm are 'treated' in online sex therapy that I have been providing for many years. 'No one' is ever judged, as my role is to understand your struggles, their impact and how we can work together to help stop any destructive behaviour & embrace new, positive behaviour.
I work with people that are individually unique, not just labels or diagnoses
If you are experiencing distress because of general relationship problems, sexual problems, or sex/porn, or love addiction, or if common mental health problems such as, depression, anxiety, body dysmorphia, perfectionism, or compulsive behaviours etc are impacting on your everyday wellbeing, let me help you. Use of online porn, 'camming' hook-up' sites and/or escorts, is agonising for partners and yes it is betrayal and it hurts as much as a live affair. Men find themselves lost in destructive behaviours and women/partners/parents are deeply hurt, feel abandoned and betrayed. Sometimes Kink practises can be appealing or concerning, I have some training in Kink and understand that people may want to speak about it in their therapy. Fetishes can be mild or hugely impactful on a person's sexual functioning and that can affect their general relationship. If that fetish is illegal such as child pornography, it can cause unimaginable harm.
Suspected, charged or convicted of a sexual offence (commonly underage porn) and partners, friends, employers and family
The Consequences of sexual offending can be significant. If we use viewing images of underage children as one example of illegal sexual activity; as a partner, (usually innocent about their own partner's behaviour), you may get the feeling of being under suspicion of knowing about your partners illegal activities, or being involved yourself, particularly If you have children. After a Police search, the man is more often than not told to leave the family home and often has to return to living with his parents. He is now not allowed to see your children on his own. His employer is informed and he may lose his job. Usually Social Workers will be involved if you have children and their input though well meaning, can be challenging, especially when nerves are already frayed. In order to attend social gatherings such as Children's Birthday parties, the suspect or offender is required to tell everyone else that he is under suspicion or has been charged with a sexual offence. Impact on the practicalities of life e.g. shared childcare is severe and the partner is overwhelmed by shock, betrayal and trauma, and the suspect is also shocked, embarrassed & full of shame. If you are in this situation and don't know what to do, I can support you to process (normal) negative emotional states such as anger and high anxiety and to create enough stability to allow you to attend to necessary functions, such as childcare and employment, as you may now be in a position of having to bear 100% of the responsibility for a safe and functioning family. Due to the legal system being overwhelmed with offences, it is not unusual to wait for years not knowing, of loss of trust, of being guilty from withdrawing from your partner etc. I usually recommend that life changing decisions are not made for at least a year - giving time to start healing and to be able to think clearly about what it is you want next in your life.
My most recent training is COFRA123 and COFRA Partners, (an accredited, update of StopSO's original training). This is 'content free' work i.e. clients don't need to tell me what they are being accused of, or charged with, however I am also able to listen to your 'story' if you wish to get things off your chest. These are evidence informed programs that cover all the different aspects that Social workers and Probation officers are looking to be addressed, whilst also providing therapy for the 'offender'. Men can request a court letter from me to state how they have attended their therapy sessions and how engaged in the work and focused on cutting offending behaviour out of their life - they have been.
Ladies please reach out for help
Ladies, research shows that when it comes to sexually compulsive behaviours, it is even harder for women to come forward to ask for help, in comparison to our male counterparts. Why is this? Woman are sadly still labelled in derogatory ways, leading to stigmatisation, self-blame, and outright shame. If you have a sexual problem that you feel you can’t share with anyone, e.g. sexually compulsive behaviour, (or compulsive behaviour around love/relationships), please be reassured that I am very experienced in working with female issues and this kind of unwanted behaviour. Don't turn away and tell yourself - 'I will manage on my own', you will know how hard that is, if you have already tried to stop 'acting out'. If you are worried about embarrassment, please don't let that hold you back. You will not be judged, I am only interested in helping you to understand yourself better & helping you to choose positive behaviours, leaving the destructive behaviours behind and therefore leading a free & happier life. Female who conquered sex addiction
People can also experience many other emotionally painful conditions such as ;
Love addiction i.e. people that believe they can't live without their lover and this becomes top priority in their life, often to the extreme e.g causing self neglect or neglect of children.
Toxic parents; where we focus on helping adult children to detach & separate from dysfunctional parent(s)-Individuation and to feel free to allow adult romantic relationships to blossom without feeling obligated to put their parent(s) first before their partner in decisions and life. This is a dynamic that online relationship counselling borders can help you with. You deserve to be free to live your life and not be responsible for other adults that demand to be top priority in your life.
HOCD Homosexual Compulsive Disorder, now known more fittingly as 'Sexual Orientation OCD' is a condition where individuals are continuously plagued by thoughts and feelings that they may be gay. This is not about working with people that know they 'are' gay or, are conflicted about their sexuality. Nor for people that want support to be able to 'come out'- those are different pieces of work. This is about the distress people experience by unwanted, unrelenting thoughts they are gay and how that negatively impacts on their mental health. It is not about 'converting' people to a heterosexual orientation, which is an approach I do not support in any way.
There are literally hundreds of Therapists to choose from, so why choose me?
The majority of clients I work with (as a Counsellor in Kelso to stop sex addiction), have achieved the goals they set in our work together. I am a fully qualified, accredited and very experienced Sex & Relationship & Mental Health Therapist that works online. I have plentiful & varied experience and confidence in working with complex difficulties. I work successfully to help people to stop compulsive use of e.g. porn, web/chat/sex sites, fetishes and (substance & behavioural addictions). I work successfully to help people stop e.g. Love addiction behaviours & heal painful losses, that females & 'males' experience. I have experience working with 'Celebrities/people in the Public eye' & understand the resulting increased pressure they feel. I can help Partner's heal and I do not blame them for their partner's addiction, (female partners tell me of their prior experience of this). I have experience of working with Couple's 'in recovery'. Addiction has stopped, but their relationship has suffered and often couples do well with online sex therapy - to help them establish a healthy, mutually enjoyable sex life together.
Psychotherapeutic Supervision for Students, Counsellors, Therapists & none clinical personnel,
Usually the first question I am asked about this is, 'what is Psychotherapeutic Supervision? Validated by Counselling and Psychotherapy in Scotland COSCA the supervision course I trained in, was developed as a result of a new approach to counselling, both Supervisor and Supervisee experiencing relationships with mind, body and soul . The Supervision course was fundamentally about ‘making meaning’; underpinned by attachment theory it integrates counselling theories from orientations including Psychoanalytical, Cognitive Behavioural and Humanistic schools (Person Centred and Transactional Analysis). This is 'not' therapy for Therapists, but it is about having an awareness of both Supervisee and Supervisor sensitivities and using that knowledge productively to facilitate an open Supervisory relationship and to help Supervisee's to be the best Therapists they can be. Specialities are Supervision for Counsellors /Therapists working with university students & Psychosexual students & qualified practitioners.
Association for treatment of sexual addiction and compulsivity ATSAC