Relationships are not meant to be so difficult, painful and full of struggle.
Relationship Problems
- Unhappy as we don't understand each other anymore
- Poor communication and lack of support between you
- Constant arguing over Children, money, sex or other problems
- One partner talks a lot about the relationship, the other shuts down
- Separating/divorcing, wanting to be civil/kind to each other in the process
- Relationship OCD over-focused on relationship details, doubts and ressurance
- Toxic relationships with parents/children e.g. his mother acts like his girlfriend
- Love addiction (a person is worshiped, neglecting other areas in your life)
- Self-love deficit disorder (you don't prioritise your own happiness/needs)
In Relationship Therapy: I do not take 'sides'. Right and wrong are handy in a court of law, but that's not what we are doing in Relationship Therapy. My job is to understand each of you as best as I can and I will help couples/individuals communicate openly and safely, to express needs and expectations of the relationship. Never addressing issues, or constantly arguing, can feel like there is no way forward and you are thoroughly miserable. We will work together to identify and leave unhelpful ways of reacting behind. Many couples get stuck in a pattern of relating that they realise is unhealthy, but don't know how to escape it. Relationship Therapy can be hard work as you each need to challenge yourselves as individuals e.g. what hurdles do you need to overcome for the sake of the relationship (if you want to make it better)?
If there is a specific problem e.g. a partner has had an affair, then for the other partner we work on betrayal trauma and if they want to keep or end the relationship. For the cheating partner, we work on how he can help keep his partner emotionally safe, why the affair happened and what needs to be different about and for him moving forward.
Please note, if you have been betrayed and are devastated, I understand your pain and suffering. However, I do have to give the cheating partner time to talk, (even if you think he/she doesn't deserve anything but condemnation). This does not mean that I am 'siding with your partner'. You both have to shift from your positions, e.g. The betrayed has to listen, to understand what has happended to your partner, in order to understand his behaviour. If you don't want to understand, perhaps you are not yet ready for Therapy. The cheater is commonly in shock at the devastation he has caused and feels deep shame about this. Your partner will not just ask a question once and then move on, he/she is trying to find safety, to protect herself from further shock and devastation, by knowing all the details. I help you to move into that position of providing safety for your partner and also we explore shame.
